Usually I am even tempered and it takes a lot to get me to lose my temper. At the end of a long weekend the kids were fighting. I told one of them to stop it as I could see he was getting out of control. Stop it now or I will give you your first hiding ever! Belligerently he looked at me and carried on. With an open hand I smacked him on his bottom (age 12) and the shock and effrontery of actually being hit sent him into tears and annoyance. Needless to say I felt angry with myself for losing my control and allowing my temper to get the better of me. Initial attempts to rectify the situation were met with aggression from the usually wonderfully natured 12 year old boy. How to redress this imbalance without losing my authoritative parental role but coming from love?
Well you said it – coming from love!
The first approach should be to wait for a few hours for everything and everyone to calm down. If possible 12 – 24 hours so perspective can return. Then start by apologizing. I apologize for having to lose my temper and resorting to violence to resolve a problem. Violence only brings on resentment and anger and you have always been taught that violence should never be a solution. Violence is never the answer. Violence breeds fear, resentment and anger. When you take an eye for an eye both become half blind!
I apologize for my violence. I hope and pray one day you can forgive me for damaging your trust in me and your love for me. I was very angry but not at you. I was angry at me for losing my temper and acting like an angry 12 year old when I should have acted my age and as a parent knowing how to control my emotions.
I apologize and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you with all my heart and Soul and I have damaged myself by hurting you. Whether you can find it in your heart to forgive me or not, I will always love you.
If you are finding it hard to forgive me, I understand. Your Ego is feeling hurt, your pride is damaged and you are probably starting to doubt, for the first time, whether I do really love you, if I can so easily hurt you. Perhaps I can show you a picture.
Your best friend and you are playing and things get out of hand and you start to fight. You get so cross that you swear at your best friend and maybe even strike him or her in anger. They have upset you, damaged your trust in them and you are angry. You both go to your separate homes looking for a sympathetic ear to tell your side of the story to.
After you have calmed down you realize that you overreacted and you want to make up with your best friend. You come from love and you apologize and ask them to forgive you. They say no and they never want to see you again. You wait a few days and you try again. This time they tell you that you are horrible and a bad friend but they will think about forgiving you some day.
Are they coming from Love or are they coming from Ego?
Obviously, coming from Ego. Is that what a loving friend should do? If they really did love you they would forgive you, and make up, valuing your love and friendship.
Do you agree?
Then you can come from Love and forgive me now for what I did to you? No matter what you decide, I will always love you, my child.
All parents should know that vulnerability is your greatest strength. When you are vulnerable you show trust in the other person to share your true feelings. They in turn appreciate the fact that you trust them with your feelings and, most times, this allows them to share their feelings with you, in trust.
Remember, feelings are the language of your Soul. Your Soul is a Part of God, God is Love, your feelings are showing you the language of love. Be vulnerable, trust the person in love and they should respond in love.
Be Love – think, act, say and do “What Would Love Do Now?”
You can’t lose your temper when you come from love.