Problem

I need to win. I need to compete with someone, even myself, to do better, to be better. When I win I feel great, if I should lose I feel lousy, empty inside. Why am I so competitive? Why is winning so important to me?

Suggested Solution

The need to win, the need to beat someone else, the need to beat your previous record. The Need to obtain perfection. All these needs are based on your insecurity, your lack of self-worthiness, your inherent fear of failure. This fear of failure is haunting you and accompanies you everywhere like a shadow.

Let Us start at where your fear of failure comes from. You were not born fearing failure, you were created in love, you entered the world as a Soul, as Love. In most cases the fear of failure is a learnt response in childhood. You need to be self– honest and attempt to truthfully go back into your memories of your past and establish the catalyst, the reason, why failure was presented to you as an option.

Something or someone, somewhere, happened which presented the reality or the possibility of failure to you. This feeling of failure frightened you and you became determined to ensure you never experienced failure in your life.

Most of your energy has been spent avoiding this failure. You try so hard to be very good at one, or more than one thing that most of your energy goes there. While this determination to succeed is focussed on your obsessive need to be so competitive to win, to beat others, to beat your previous best, what has happened to the balance in your life?

Your life becomes unbalanced as you focus on your need to win. The other areas of your life generally suffer from lack of time and energy input. Your personal relationships, family, friends, colleagues, all take a backseat. Your all round knowledge, interests, education suffer from lack of growth as most of your energy is devoted to your obsession to win at what you do best.

Can you see the seeds of failure being sown in other areas of your unbalanced life. You may win the battle but lose the war!

Now We move into another more Spiritual area. Who are you competing against? If you have read The Book of Evolving Relationships by now you would have become conscious of the fact that We are all One.

If We/we are all One who are you competing with?

If you win and someone else loses, you have lost and they have won, if you believe the truth that We/we are all One.

So what was the purpose of putting all that energy into ensuring you won?

If you play, without scoring, without looking for a result, without trying to establish one winner and one or many losers, but compete in an endeavour to have fun, to experience excelling with someone, not against someone, to heighten your enjoyment, your satisfaction, to share the feeling of being the best you can be by uplifting your fellow participants, then you can all experience the exhilaration of being the best you can be.

You can share the feeling, you don’t need to win or profit at someone else’s expense of losing, your “profit or win” can be the “sharing of the feeling” of fun, achievement and exhilaration with one or many others.

Now re-read the previous two paragraphs with your thoughts about making love to that special person in your life.

You can overcome your fear of insecurity, your anticipated fear of failure, by looking to share your energy with another participant/s, to find enjoyment, fun, exhilaration all the time while you are participating. Not grinding through in tension, anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive behaviour to get to a result without having absolute enjoyment throughout. If you are not smiling and enjoying every moment of the challenge and are fixated on winning at any or all costs and your only enjoyment is in the result then no matter what the result – you have lost already, you have failed.

By becoming the winner you have lost your way in benefiting from the challenge of competing. You have won first place but lost the plot! Your life in this duality presented on earth is to be enriched by competing, win or lose. By learning to “share the feeling” enables you to “profit” from the experience – win or lose.

Victories are hollow if you cannot “share the feeling” of having fun, enjoyment, exhilaration all the time.

True lovemaking will never go out of style! There are no winners or losers, just two lovers wanting the best for each other – “sharing the feeling” of “winning” together – oh what a feeling!

Can you shift your need to compete – coming from Ego to the need to “share the feeling”, all the time – coming from Soul.

When you come from Soul, in love, and you “share the feeling”, your need to compete and win will leave you as you find happiness, at long last, in “sharing the feeling” of competing without the need to score or win. By “sharing the feeling” your Soul and their Soul find each other, although competing with each other, and love is the result!

Now why do you think being competitive, to win at all costs, is better than finding love in everything you do by “sharing the feeling”?