31. Who Are You Really Mad At?

    1. Problem

Sometimes I get so cross I lose my cool and shout at people I am not really annoyed at. Later on I feel bad about it but don’t want to apologize as I fear that I will lose their respect, so I don’t say anything.

    1. Suggested Solution

In many instances, We silently witness when a parent is annoyed with a spouse but is too intimidated to confront the spouse for fear of reprisal actions. Instead, the anger raging in the parent will be directed at a soft target like a child, an employee, a service provider, etc.

We have also seen employees annoyed with their superiors and for the sake of job security, job advancement, or the like, take out their frustration on a co-worker, generally one lower in rank than themselves.

We have dealt with Losing Your Temper, and Courage To Stand In Your Integrity, both of which give valuable insights into this current issue of who are you really mad at? We suggest you read these Life Skills as well.

When you find the courage to confront the person you are really annoyed with (Courage To Stand In Your Integrity) you state: This is not acceptable to me!

Now you start to stand in your integrity. Remember COURAGE stands for Confidently Overcoming UnRighteousness Always Growing Evolving.

Because you are being abused ABUSE A Being Utilizing Similar Experiences you are then abusing your child, your employee, etc. With the consequences of your abusing them who are they in turn going to abuse, and so on and so on.

Peace cannot reign in your heart, in your family, in your workspace, in your world if abuse is allowed to grow like a cancer.

Of course you are compounding the abuse you are handing out by not being vulnerable and apologizing for your behaviour. Perhaps we need to remind you of the word RESPECT Recognize Each Soul Politely Ensuring Correct Tribute.

Let us deal with some physical damage here by you receiving abuse you feel angry and powerless. Let us remind you of two meanings of the word


Anxiously Now Generating Emotional Reactions

Allowing No Growth Ensuring Retribution

Now where does that anger go to? Well, in well-recorded cases wives who suffer repressed anger from their husbands have an unusually high correlation to breast cancer as their heart holds onto the anger. In husbands cases, this silent anger goes to their genitals as their manhood is being threatened. An unusually high correlation of prostate cancer is evident in husbands who silently suffer from spousal abuse.

So now not only are you not dealing with the issue of your anger at source level you may potentially have to deal with serious health issues you may develop or cause to be developed in your spouse, child, employee, etc.

Can you foresee a time when the person you are angry with now has to look after you in your seriously impaired health condition. If your anger remains, how do you rate your chances of a healthy recovery?

Can you foresee a time when the person you abuse develops serious health conditions and you have to look after them through their illness? If you thought that getting mad at some third party was the end of your anger, well its time you realized the consequences of your actions.

So now We suggest you take the bull by the horns, confront the person who is really the source of your anger. This form of confrontation should not occur at the time of your anger but preferably in a quiet neutral setting when things are going well.

We recommend you use a professional, if you can afford one, to assist in dealing with this issue of misplaced anger retribution. A psychotherapist, specializing in anger issues is an example here.

If you cant afford that route then sit quietly with the person you consider abusing you and, coming from Love, state:

I need to talk to you about something that is seriously affecting our relationship. Before I start, are you prepared to be open-minded and not defensive? Before I start do you value our relationship enough to ensure it remains and improves or would you prefer us to no longer have a relationship at all?

When you do (state a recent action of abuse) I am too frightened to tell you that you are abusing me. I am scared that if I tell you how I feel you might hurt me more, leave me, (or whatever you really feel). What I do is take it out on (name the person/people) and no doubt, they feel abused and take it out on others.

I need to stand in my integrity and tell you now that this (state what) is no longer acceptable to me. I will not be abused any longer. This is no longer acceptable to me. If it happens, again I am going to take the following action (state the action which you must be prepared to carry through).

By standing in your integrity and stating that this is not acceptable to me, you have come from love, been vulnerable and shown your resolve and determination.

Now its in your Abusers hands to deal with the issue. Make sure he/she does not explode and draw you into familiar patterns of abuse as he/she sees their power over you vanish. Be prepared to walk away there and then, if need be locking yourself away from harms way. If necessary, contact the relevant authorities to restore peace in your space. Do not be afraid to follow through with your promised actions. This will empower you and disempower your Abuser.

After this has been dealt with its time for you to confront those innocent people you have abused and explain everything and apologize to them. You need to ask for their understanding, compassion, empathy and forgiveness, promising them that this will not occur again.

We promise you that if you face up to your responsibilities in this way abilities to respond you will empower yourself, heal and grow through politely confronting your Abuser, as illustrated, and asking for pardon from those you have abused, in turn.

Now you can start to bring peace to your heart and to your world.

We guarantee you will AGE Always Growing Evolving as you empower yourself!

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